Jealousy is typically viewed as a bad trait to have in a
relationship, but is jealousy always bad? People
become jealous because they are mad, worried, curious, but mainly because they
care about their partner. A little jealousy in relationships is healthy
because, it typically means your significant other is afraid of losing you,
but, some people develop too much jealousy and begin to damage their
relationship.
Many young individuals are exposed and active on social networking
sites such as Facebook and with that interaction online brings potential
complications to one’s romantic relationship.
Elphinston and Noller (2011) examine the overlap between online and offline
interactions and the impact of extreme usage online for an individual’s
romantic relationship. Research has shown that technologies such as a cellphone
and internet, specifically Facebook interferes with one’s day-to-day activities
and relationships.
Characteristics of high Facebook interruption include:
1.Withdrawal: agony related to incompetence to access Facebook
2.Relapse and reinstatement: efforts to decrease Facebook use that have been
unsuccessful
3.Exhilaration: feeling connected to others when using Facebook
Many of can agree that we often think about social media when we
are not using it and we over check social networks because we are bored or
check it for no particular reason at all. Studies show that excessive
attachment to social media is considered very harmful to one’s relationship
causing jealousy and dissatisfaction to occur.
Marshall, Bejanyan, Castro, and Lee (2013) have also completed
studies examining attachment styles as predictors of Facebook-related jealousy
in romantic relationships. They provide the following scenario to get the
reader thinking about a common situation that could happen to them.
“Imagine the following scenario: A woman is worried that her
boyfriend does not love her as much as she loves him and fears that he will
leave her for someone else. Driven by anxiety and suspicion, she logs onto
Facebook to see if she can find any evidence of his extra-dyadic
transgressions. On his Facebook page, she sees that he has recently added three
attractive women to his list of friends, he has been tagged in a photo with his
arm around an unknown pretty girl, and his relationship status is still listed
as “single” rather than “in a relationship.” Seeing his Facebook page has only
made her feel worse—jealous, insecure, and scared of rejection. Nevertheless,
she checks his Facebook page a few hours later to see if she can find any new
information” (Marshall et al. 2013).
Marshall et al. (2013) found that anxiety was positively
associated, and avoidance negatively associated, with Facebook jealousy. The
connotation of anxiety with Facebook jealousy was facilitated by lower trust.
Trust plays a key role in a relationship; therefore if social media is going to
complicate one’s relationship, maybe it would be a better idea to delete social
networking accounts all together to ensure a happy life with your partner.
However, deleting all accounts may be a little extreme. You and your partner
need to have faith and trust each other. Social media isn’t all bad; there are
benefits to social networking sites such as, a safe place to store photos if a
computer or device ever gets ruined or to stay in touch with family and friends
who are far away. Social media is only bad when constantly on it that it
interferes with not fully paying attention to your partner when they are
talking or when you are creeping on your partner to make sure they are not
doing anything you disapprove of.
Are you creeping or just information seeking? Put whatever label
on it you want, Muise, Christofides, and Desmarais (2014) suggest that Facebook
provides a large array of information a person can check into to monitor
another person. Although creeping is viewed as a negative term, things posted
on Facebook are publicly accessible which doesn’t make it a violation of trust,
but is it really the right thing to do? There are many opposing opinions on
whether checking up on your significant other is acceptable or an invasion on
their social time. I look at it this way, a person shouldn’t post anything on
Facebook that they wouldn’t want others to see; once something is online, it’s
there and can spread like wildfire. Even accepting a friend request from the
opposite sex, it may be a good idea to let your partner know who that person is
or decide whether or not how important it is to have that individual listed as
a “friend” on Facebook. Most of the time, life can go on without having all
these social media connections.
Q: Is there a difference between genders when it comes to
experiencing jealousy?
- Women are more likely to
monitor what their man is up to.
- Men are more likely to
experience jealousy in response to sexual betrayal.
- Women are more likely to
experience jealousy in response to emotional betrayal.
- Men are more likely to
experience jealousy.
- Women were more likely to
communicate their jealousy issues.
(Muise et al. 2013).
Whether you are man or woman—don’t fall under these statistics, if
you have a concern about behaviors your partner is engaging in, talk to him or
her about it in a calm manner, let them explain what is going on rather than
assuming the worst. Men and women should be able to have friends of the opposite
sex. It may be difficult to accept that fact, but you have to think if your
partner loves you enough they will tell you the truth and they will be faithful
to you. Communication is a big factor that can patch up jealousy problems.
Face-to-face interaction will be able to let your partner know how you feel and
to let them know how to ensure you feel comfortable while they still enjoy
their time out with friends.
Jealousy can be such a problem that it creates destructive paths
such as intimate violence, verbal and physical aggression, and relational
dissatisfaction and uncertainty according to Elphinston, Feeney, Noller,
Connor, and Fitzgerald (2013). Although there are these negative factors that
can play a role there can also be positive relationship outcomes such as higher
relational satisfaction and commitment. It’s okay to be a little jealous
because it makes you realize how important that person is to you and to not
take them for granted. In this study researchers found that rumination was the root
of the problem that caused relationship dissatisfaction. Once talking to your
partner about your concerns, trust is needed in order better the relationship.
Article:
1 Jealousy can be good for romantic relationships...in
very, small doses:
2. Jealousy—The Monster
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Understanding-Jealousy-Helen-Fisher-PhD-on-Relationships
Discussion:
Do you feel you can relate to aspects discussed in this post about
jealousy. Please comment and share thoughts, questions, comments, or concerns
you may have?
References:
Elphinston, R. A., & Noller, P. (2011). Time to face it! Facebook intrusion and the implications for romantic jealousy and relationship satisfaction. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, And Social Networking, 14(11), 631-635. doi:10.1089/cyber.2010.0318
Elphinston, R. A., Feeney, J. A., Noller, P., Connor, J. P., & Fitzgerald, J. (2013). Romantic
jealousy and relationship satisfaction: The costs of rumination. Western Journal Of Communication, 77(3), 293-304. doi:10.1080/10570314.2013.770161
Fisher, H. (2009). Retrieved from http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Understanding-Jealousy-Helen-Fisher-PhD-on-Relationships
Krischer, H. (2014). Can jealousy be good for a relationship? Retrieved from http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/18/living/jealousy-healthy-relationship-upwave/
Marshall, T. C., Bejanyan, K., Di Castro, G., & Lee, R. A. (2013). Attachment styles as
predictors of Facebook-related jealousy and surveillance in romantic relationships.
Personal Relationships, 20(1), 1-22.
Muise, A., Christofides, E., & Desmarais, S. (2014). ‘Creeping’ or just information seeking
Gender differences in partner monitoring in response to jealousy on Facebook. Personal
Relationships. 21 (1). 35-50. doi:10.111/pere.12014
